View from a Prairie Home

By Hege Herfindahl, Columnist

My brave mother, who at 18 faced the Nazis who then occupied her country, when she was walking down the street with a bunch of illegal newspapers, became crippled by worry after she had children. It gradually got worse. When her favorite grandson, Erland, wrote to her that he wanted come to see her, she was so worried about his plane falling down that she told him not to come.  

When I was young, I was also brave. Maybe that is what young people are so that they will leave the familiar behind and venture out on their own. My girlfriend and I backpacked through the British Isles. We even went to Northern Ireland. At the time, Northern Ireland was involved in a war with England. But we wanted to see what a war looked like, so we posed for pictures with soldiers behind barricades on the streets of Belfast.

But as I grew older, I also started to feel anxious about what could maybe happen. When Patrick and Ingvild were going to get married, they decided to have their reception in our back yard. The day before the wedding, everything was in place. It looked perfect. At night, I woke up in a panic. What if the wind blew the big tent down? What if one of them changed their mind about getting married? What if the church was too hot? And on and on it went. It turned out to be a perfect day and a perfect wedding. My worrying just prevented me from sleeping well. 

My worst panic attack came when I was very tired because we had just landed after a very challenging flight from Norway. The airport in Minneapolis had again been remodeled and we waited for our shuttle in a new place. Suddenly I couldn’t find Grant or the exit. My emotions took over and I started to run around like a crazy person. Eventually Grant came back to find me. He had never scolded me before, but stopped when I started to cry. He practically had to carry me out of there. 

Garrison Keillor talked about his mother who would look back at their house when they were leaving and imagine it in flames. She said that was preventative worrying. Worrying doesn’t make bad things not happen, it just makes our life hard and our world small. When we worry or feel anxiety our heart rate goes up and our thoughts go to the worst case scenarios. Anxiety comes from fear. Fear of not being safe. Fear of losing our house or having catastrophic things happen. And especially losing loved ones. 

After losing two beloved young people in two years, my anxiety levels increased to the point that I couldn’t sleep. Who will die unexpectedly next? What could I have done to prevent Patrick and Erland from dying so young? How can I deal with life now when my heart is broken? At first I asked my doctor for a pill to help with my anxiety. She gave me a prescription, but told me to be careful, because it is a controlled substance. The pills helped but made my reaction time slow when driving, so I stopped. 

What triggers my anxiety is exhaustion and hunger. So I try to get enough sleep and eat regular meals. What helps my panic attacks is breathing slowly and making the exhale longer than the inhale. What also helps is being outside in nature, working with plants and taking walks. It also is good for me to read well-written books, so I can lose myself in different characters’ lives.

Research shows that many people suffer from anxiety. My experience is that we have to find out what triggers our anxiety and what helps. May you find peace, my friends, and not worry so much. It doesn’t prevent things from happening.