From Where I Sit

By Pat Spilseth, Columnist

Do you watch the Friday night TV program Blue Bloods where the family has a weekly dinner with prayers and no cell phones? I like it. I hate the disruptions of bells ringing and people tuning out, even leaving the table to answer the call. And I like the idea of giving thanks for our blessings.

We’ve become such isolated individuals. Whether we’re young or old, everyone needs others to remain feeling positive and upbeat, happy and healthy. Family and friends, laughter and smiles are even more important as we age. Last evening I had dinner with a group of four women. We ate a delicious meal, told stories and laughed uproariously for hours…what a boost to feeling terrific! I slept so well that i didn’t wake until 8 a.m., unlike my usual 6 a.m. wake up!

Life can be lonely. Sure, we’re all busy, but how much time does it take out of your day if we check on a friend with a phone call or a smile and a friendly hello as we walk in the neighborhood? The benefits to each person is immense. That may be the only smile or the only voice someone hears all day, maybe all week.

Today I called several friends who related dire health news. I heard unexpected news of hospital visits, tests and moves to an assisted or senior living style. I know it’s even more important to stay in touch with them through phone calls, cards and visits to help them keep their positive attitudes. Getting older is not always so golden…

Several years ago a young man in Minneapolis set up two chairs and a table for folks to sit and chat together at various locations around the city. He recognized how lonely people are. He realized the value of talking to one another. Long ago I figured out why so many women have a weekly hair appointment. It’s an opportunity for human touch and a chat…for some the only human contact they have all week.

Years ago I read an article about a British town’s solution to loneliness, a “welcoming chat bench.” Sgt. Ashley Jones read about an elderly widow who would get a call each morning from a man pretending to be her friend. Eventually he asked her to give him money. It was a scam. The woman told Sgt. Jones that she didn’t mind giving the money because otherwise “I would never speak to another person for weeks on end.”

An adoring pet can be a help for loneliness. When I walked my neighborhood or on paths around the lakes in the city with Buddy my Beagle, his floppy ears and charming personality were a constant source of attention. So many people, of all ages and personalities, stopped to pet my Buddy. I’d recommend a Beagle for anyone wanting a find a date or a friendly person to talk with. A dog’s presence can be comforting and cozy. Cats add comfort and company but a different kind. Some folks have birds for company, even gerbils and hamsters.

Summertime can create a loneliness we don’t expect. We think how can I be unhappy and lonely when the weather is warm and the lakes so inviting? Lack of a regular schedule may be part of the loneliness problem. Writing my weekly column gives me a “purpose” and a deadline which I’m happy about because it’s a reason to get up in the morning. It makes me feel valued when I hear from readers of the column.

Many of us are used to waking at a specific time, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at specific times and go to bed fairly early. In summertime, the sky lights up with sunshine and birds chirping by 5 a.m. Our body clocks awake with the light so we get up for a cup or two of coffee. Not enough sleep? We don’t get our regular sleep because the evening doesn’t get dark until after 9 p.m. What’s a lonely person supposed to do with these long days of silence? We need the voices of other people, their presence, their touch in our lives. A pet is terrific, but “comfort animals” don’t speak our language.

In the winter, long gray days of snow and cold can be immobilizing. It’s a huge help for my friend and me to get a daily phone call check at 4:30 p.m. We know our well-being is important to each other. I look forward to that call. Even a robo call might be a bit of pleasure to a person living alone with no one to chat with. Doom and gloom can easily crowd into our small world.

People need other people. It doesn’t take any money or much effort to simply put down your cell, IPADS, puzzles and books and notice the people around you. Talk to someone. Knowing someone thinks about you makes us feel more valued. An easy solution to loneliness is a spontaneous chat.

On TV’s “60 Minutes” show, Steve Hartman had a segment about an “old geezers coffee club.” The geezers put up a sign by the table they regularly met at which said Advice Table—May Be Bad Advice But It’s Free. The old geezers had people lining up to ask them questions and chat.

People want to talk to other folks. Don’t just text or email. Chat benches and phone calls, cards and letters help curb loneliness.

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To contact Pat, email: pat.spilseth@gmail.com.