From Where I Sit

By Pat Spilseth, Columnist

Sultry days and cooler nights are forecast. Beaches are closing with “swimmers’ itch,” that pesky poison that invades itching bodies hoping to cool off in the lake. Families are rushing to get a last minute vacation before school starts for the kids. Maple trees are turning red and orange with the blanket temperatures of cooler evenings. It’s Minnesota State Fair weather. I think I can smell the manure, hot dogs, Sweet Martha’s cookies, cheese curds and salty pickles in the air…

Fair goers are deluged with irresistible, greasy, sugary food at hundreds of booths and church luncheon counters. All these goodies are meant to further expand the bulging waistlines of Minnesotans. Summer indulgences have caused our shorts to overflow with spare tires of cellulite and fat. For three months we haven’t been able to resist those calorie-stuffed summer barbecues featuring hamburgers, brats, corn on the cob and potato salad. Each meal is topped off with summer delights: s’mores or banana splits, oozing hot fudge and marshmallow sauces over pink and white ice cream scoops.

The Minnesota State Fair is an institution. Minnesota has one of the best state fairs in the country. Who can resist the temptations of yummies on a stick? My mouth is salivating, simply thinking about all the food choices I get to make. I can taste the sweet, gooey, caramel coating on a sour apple, though that same delectable delight pulled out a front tooth of mine a few years back. Cheese curds flood the area with greasy smells that tantalize my taste buds, causing my mouth to drool with anticipation. Such indulgence! Who can resist? 

Colorful characters parade the dusty fairgrounds. Remember those plaid and striped Bermuda shorts and tee shirts we wore years ago? They’re still on display, tighter and skimpier than ever. Folks wearing these styles are several sizes larger this year. Floppy sun hats and beer visors, baggy blue jeans with holes (now costing $70 plus), teeny-weeny t-shirts and short shorts are also in the crowd. Parents with sleeping or screaming babies in strollers still climb Machinery Hill to check out the humongous tractors and combines on display. Of course, the politicians, as well as the radio and TV stations, are hawking free give-aways of milk and worthless trinkets.

Pungent smells draw me to the barns. Every kid wants to pet the hairy animals from gentle colts to roly-poly piglets and curly haired sheep. Irresistible puppies are cuddled by kids begging to take a wiggling puppy or licking kitty home to love. I can’t forget seeing the embarrassment of the sheared sheep, standing alone shaking in naked discomfort. Squealing piglets and mooing baby calves with red, blue and white ribbons pinned on their pens claim my attention. Grooming owners comb and braid the manes of gigantic horses and shy ponies that every kid yearns to ride. 

Jars of bread and butter, dill, watermelon and beet pickles stand in rigid rows on paper lace doily displays. Angel food cakes tower tall with pride; dark devils’ food and spice cakes, filled with cinnamon and nutmeg, smell marvelous, stuffed with butter and walnuts. Yeasty rolls, dripping with powdered sugar icing, line more shelves of pastries on display in the 4-H Building. 

I recall the white cake I attempted to bake in eighth grade home economics class. How was I supposed to know that gas ovens had to be lit with a match? Mrs. Le Masters should not have assumed that I knew anything about gas ovens. Mom always had an electric GE stove that would heat to the right temperature by turning two knobs: one for ON; another for the temperature. When the teacher lit a wooden match and reached into the oven…the whole day blew up! I got a C that semester; my oven’s heat singed the teacher’s eyebrows and arms.   

The Creative Activities Building shows off colorful knit afghans, Norwegian sweaters, fuzzy hats and scarves. Their bulky yarns smell hot and sweaty on this warm summer day as they lie on display next to hand-built doll houses with 12 rooms and intricate Christmas decorations of amazing delicacy. Homemade coats, suits and dresses look artistic in their glass cases, not like my home economics’ apron, skirt and blouse that I sewed in junior high.

The fireworks are almost ready. After a long hot day at the fair, walking at least 10,000 steps from barns to art shows to a meatball dinner at the church stand, I’m starting to droop. My feet hurt and my stomach is upset. I’m beginning to feel extra rolls around my middle, my upper arms are flapping a bit and I’ve developed an extra chin. Perhaps it’s time to take toll of the damage done today at the fair. Maybe next week I’ll exert some self discipline into my dietary choices.

What a  finale to summer! I’m ready for a restful Labor Day before the fall schedule begins once again…

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To contact Pat, email: pat.spilseth@gmail.com.