View from a Prairie Home

By Hege Herfindahl, Columnist

It comes like a derecho. Suddenly. Out of nowhere. With violent force. Devastatingly. Affecting some, but not all people. Young or old. In good health or bad. Totally randomly. And we are caught totally unprepared.

Most families are touched by cancer. It affects people of all income and education levels across all geographic locations. Cancer is caused by uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells in the body. It develops when the body’s normal control mechanism stops working and old cells don’t die but forms masses of tissue. These are called tumors.

There are many types of cancer and the treatment of each depends on the type. Most types of cancer can be treated, but the problem is that cancer can grow without us knowing we have it and when it is discovered it may be too late. 

My father had skin cancer, which is quite common these days. On his upper arm, he had a mole that bled. We told him to go to the doctor, but he was a busy business man and by the time he finally went, the cancer had spread to most of his body. He died at 54. I was able to come and sit by his bed in the hospital holding his hand when he died. But I was pregnant at the time and had to concentrate on my unborn child and my toddler and couldn’t allow myself to grieve properly. It took me 15 years before I could think of him without crying. 

My mother got one of the most common types of cancer for women; breast cancer. But she was over 70 at the time and after surgery and radiation, she lived for another 15 years before she died of dementia. My sister’s breast cancer was discovered at a very early stage. Her tumor was removed laparoscopically. I get a mammogram every year and so far, no cancer.

But when my healthy, vibrant and young son was diagnosed with liver cancer at 41, I laid down on the floor and begged God to transfer the cancer to me. I got the phone call that we all dread, early one morning at the end of December. Erland was in Brussels and had discovered a lump in his stomach, which proved to be cancer. He got an appointment at Mayo right away. The surgery to remove the tumor was 2 weeks after it was discovered. 

But the tumor had grown rapidly and they had to remove half of his liver. The liver is the only internal organ that regenerates, so after 6 weeks his liver had grown back. He felt good and flew back to Brussels. There he did everything to keep healthy, but it was not enough. While he was here on a two weeks’ vacation, he started to go downhill so rapidly, we got another appointment at Mayo. 

The cancer this time had metastasized. That means it had spread. Again, I begged God to give me the cancer; which I later heard is a common parental prayer. But, of course, it doesn’t work that way. A God that would give my child cancer is not a God I would worship. God doesn’t cause cancer, something in his body did. No doctor at Mayo could figure out why he had cancer. Liver cancer especially happens to old people or people with liver disease. 

Despite his young age and general good health, he died after only a few weeks. And our lives will never be the same. He was such a presence in our family. Now there is a big hole. Often I feel like my heart is broken and I want to give up. But then I remember those in our family who are still here.