From Where I Sit

By Pat Spilseth, Columnist

It’s February. Most folks have heard of Cupid, that cute little naked boy with his bow and arrow who aims an arrow at lovesick hearts of mere mortals. Cupid might also bring to mind Aphrodite and Venus, goddesses of beauty and love.

The fascinating kingdom of mythical gods has stuck in my mind for years.

Do you remember Edith Hamilton’s classic mythology paperback with its timeless tales of gods and heroes? It was in Mr Paulson’s senior English class or Mr. Ramberg’s Latin class that these mythological gods came to life for me. Greek, Roman and Norse myths are the stories of gods and heroes that have inspired human creativity from antiquity to the present.

Wondering about mere mortals’ fascination with love gods, I went to the internet  for information:

Cupid is the ancient Roman god of love. According to myth, Cupid was the son of Mercury, the winged messenger of the gods, and Venus, the goddess of love. He often appeared as a winged infant carrying a bow and a quiver of arrows whose wounds inspired love or passion in his victims.

Although Cupid is sometimes portrayed as careless, he usually brought happiness when he provided the perfect love match for guys and girls. At the worst he was considered mischievous in his matchmaking.

These mythical gods help explain the strange world of romance we live in such as why are girls so mindlessly attracted to “bad boys.” What is it about the rebel, his tattoos, long hair and earrings, that’s so alluring? And why do beautiful princesses and bouncy cheerleaders attract guys? Is the attraction all about looks? What’s wrong with nice guys and girls, Plain Jane and Basic Bill? Why do nice guys, who treat a gal well, get turned off by gals who want more excitement? Why is the guy or gal you eventually bring home to meet Mom and Pop rarely the first person who caught your interest? This love mating confusion is probably where we get the ideas of lovesick & love-blind.

Do we ever learn that the mysterious, attractive, elusive person we’re so smitten with might not be the best choice of an honorable, lifelong mate? What will make us wise up to the best qualities in a future husband or wife?

Men and women are always searching for the perfect guy or gal. One of my neighbors can’t find an American gal who reciprocates his attentions so he’s writing and romancing women in Russia. He’s not been lucky yet. Several others are frustrated with internet dating, but they remain hopeful for a guy who is interesting, one who will not stray.

Valentine’s Day reminds us that almost everyone is looking for love, no matter how hard it is to find. Who doesn’t want to receive a smaltzy valentine, flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day? Pet dogs and cats can be affectionate companions, but… they don’t make the best love match for most of us.

Being a friend who wants to help my friends’ search for love, I found numerous internet sites under the headings CUPID, VALENTINE and LOVE. The searchers looked at keywords and phrases, how the words affected replies, and what trends were significant. They came up with a set of rules about what one should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself to someone.

Be literate. It’s a huge turnoff when a prospective mate uses bad grammar, bad spelling or netspeak. Don’t think you can get away with illiterate words like ur, u, wat, wont, luv, realy, hit, ya.

Avoid physical compliments. This advice is mostly directed at guys since they are the ones to more likely talk about looks. A guy might think words like gorgeous, beautiful and sexy are nice to say about someone, but no one really wants to hear them on an online dating site. They’re overused. People like compliments, but when they’re used as a pickup line, before you’ve even met the person, they feel yucky.

Use an unusual greeting. Your initial message to someone creates the classic “first impression,” which lingers a long time and is usually accurate. That slangy greety Holla, yo and hey are not advised; instead, be literate.

Bring up specific interests. Talk about specific things that interest you or something you might have in common  to make a connection. Even better results occur when your phrases show that you’ve read their profile.

If you’re a guy, be self-effacing; don’t brag. A male message that guarantees success involves words like awkward, sorry, apologize, kinda and probably. Though much real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.

Thank goodness, I won’t be searching for love on the internet. If Dave reads this column,  I’ll be sure to get a lacey valentine, chocolates and flowers on Valentine’s Day from Mr. Excitement. How lucky I am to be married to my valentine who likes casseroles and desserts. Best of all, he enjoys curling up on the couch to watch basketball with Mrs. Excitement.

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To contact Pat, email: pat.spilseth@gmail.com.